Doctors have been playing Ping-Pong with me. So…let’s start from the beginning shall we?

In April 2015 I had surgery for Endo. That surgery did not go well…I was considered one in a million case as they were unable to get the camera open and then had to stop when my (low-blood pressure) kept dropping.

After I was told I was 1 in a million…My doctor and I had to sit down and decide what else we could do, because surgery was not a reliable option for the next few months.

Later on, I went back to see him and he said he would not mind redoing it but wanted me to go get a second opinion to make sure if I do get it, it was for a reason.

Now, at that point there are 4 doctors in the picture since my last laparoscopy surgery.

Doc 1: Did the last surgery

Doc 2: One who completely dismissed my case and said I cannot be in pain, yet says I am on heavy pain killers.

Doc 3: Decides that Endo might not be the main cause…and puts me through several tests and sends me to a specialist.

Doc 4: A Specialist Doctor 3 sent me too, to help make their decision about Endo.

After the treatment by doctor 2, I completely took that doctor out of the picture which leads me to 3 doctors.

The doctor I saw last week decided that I should be put on the surgery list again. This way the Endo can be verified that it is causing all the pain/symptoms I am going through. And if it is not the Endo pain causing the symptoms at least he would be able to take a different direction on trying to help me live a normal life.

So as I await the surgery… I have decisions that need to be made. Do I let doctor 1 do it again or do I let doctor 3 do it?

I have a lot of uneasiness coming into this surgery. Most people think it is a fear of hospitals and not coming out of it once I am in there…I mean yes, this is about 15% of the reason.

Here is my other reason. When signing off for this surgery, you are also signing off for the doctors to remove internal organs (uterus, ovaries, etc) if they find it is absolutely necessary to do so.

It has been 6 years since I have been told I have Endo, so I am scared how far the symptoms and the tissues advanced. And I want my own kids in the future…and I feel like if I keep prolonging the surgery one day I will just get pregnant and everything will go normal. But if I go for the surgery, I know there will be a large chance that I will never have my own kids and I am still unable to come to those terms.

I know with how the symptoms have progressed the past few months that this surgery is necessary.

The pain is so bad I have an electro machine attached to me almost 24/7. (I have been to doctors and they agree surgery is likely…however I am leaving for vacation in a week…that I am trying to prolong it just in case the surgery would be an emergency one…)

Pain Killers have not worked as well as in the past.

It is affecting my bladder so much…that I am living in the bathroom.

The exhaustion has kicked my ass two days/week in the past month…where I was in bed for hours.

Skin has been paler then usual.

Back is hurting a lot more.

Swelling is constantly remaining swollen, fluctuation now between 60-80 inches…but my weight has yet to move…which has the doctors questioning.

My periods have went from one extreme (10-15 days) to another extreme (the last four months) – Lasting under 48 hours…But the blood clots are the size of my hand.

So again, I know this surgery is mandatory…but it is still terrifying…

My health has knocked me down several times but I think if this ended up happening, especially at 23 years old…I don’t think I would be able to come back from it. It is going to be the thing that puts me overboard….