Mouth full of a title…Worse living it while your body is literally rejecting itself.

It started two weeks ago (Saturday), when I started noticing it fully. I was at my friends and while watching a movie I completely wiped out.

That night I drove back home and was over tired. To the point I didn’t know how I got home.

That night I slept lightly but woke up at 7am for no reason. Just couldn’t sleep.

That day I tried to relax and watch movies. But as I was doing it, I felt my body starting to decline. The pain was kicking in and so was the exhaustion. But I kept pushing myself. I went out and then I skated later that day.

Now, instead of taking a break throughout the week. I had my days going from 7am to 11pm throughout the entire week.

Saturday and Sunday came. I had to work from 6-1:30…Saturday I was cut by 11:30. Sunday I stayed until 3pm…then I had to skate at 8:30.

The four hours between work and skating on the Sunday I was dead tired. I was in bed with a low grade fever. I was extremely pale and the entire world kept spinning. Not to mention my entire body was numb and sore.

That night on the ice I thankfully only had to work with 1/3 coaches. My body hurt. I was unfocused, having major trouble breathing and I blacked out twice.

After like 20 mins with my coach he gave me the option: sit for 5 and see how I am or go home and sleep.

I know I am stubborn…but it was at the point where I decided to go home. Mentally I couldn’t do anything. Physically I couldn’t do anything and I was left emotionless.

I got home. And looked at my upcoming week. I saw the next day my day started at 9 am. I messaged my coach a long ass message explaining that I had to cancel.

At that point I thought I was going to be hospitalized.

I got my phone out and decided to not set an alarm. Whatever would happen, happens and I would decide when I woke up.

I woke up. I was dead. My energy was already at 1% charged… And this was after a 13 hour sleep + the 4 hours I had before skating the day before… So 17 hours and not charged.

I felt guilty that full season training was supposed to start that day but if I would have gone for it on day one I would have been done for the week.

2pm on that day I was at maybe 8% charged. I went to the rink to do dances since I have two dance test sessions coming up (4 tests in total).

I got to the rink and by some miracle the ice was cancelled. I looked at my dance coach and he’s like go home and sleep.

Instead of listening I went to school for 4 hours. I took the bus and metro in because I was too tired to walk 20 mins after just taking the bus.

During school I fell asleep 3 times and was unfocused. The class was spinning. And when I left I was lost. I had no idea where I was.

I called my mom to talk with her on my 20 minute walk just to be able to stay up. On the bus I slept, and when I woke I was nauseous, in severe pain and had no feelings.

I drove home around 10 pm and crashed in bed with my clothes on. I woke up the next  day over 13 hours later.

I slowly got ready and then headed to the rink.

I had a lesson with my main coach that afternoon (one I cancelled on the day before).

He got on the ice and looked at me. The first thing that came out of his mouth was “oh boy”. He asked me questions. But I was extremely pale.

It was an extremely short lesson. 1 hour and then I was sent home. I was physically unable to do anything.

I got home and crashed in bed. Then one of my closest friends (and dance coach) came over and he woke me up and saw I wasn’t well. I followed him to two rinks that day but literally stayed on the sidelines.

The next day, I was at the rink and I was with him and my main coach. The lesson was okay. We tried to do choreography, but my body crashed hard. So instead we worked in pieces and took our time.

Towards the end of the lesson I was burning up. I was dizzy. The ice was spinning from under me. I almost fell several times trying to just take simple steps.

My coach noticed right away and told me to get off the ice. Was done for the day.

Today was a bit stronger, yet the battery was still 20%. And halfway through the day I was crashing. My friend was doing all the driving and on the ice I lasted about 45 minutes.

The rest of the day was blah. Nothing more to the day except I had good and understanding company and a downward spiraling body.

The endo has started to hit. My period is overdue but it’s been late for the past three months now so I’m not worried.

However, the stomach pain is starting up. And the paralyzing feeing in my hip/spine has been every night for a week now causing severe insomnia. Which is not helping my case.

Weekend has hit… (Well Friday now, but it’s coming).

Contemplating going to the hospital because at this moment I’m beyond self-repairable.

Will keep you posted xx

Past 2 weeks symptoms I’ve been getting;

Fibro Symptoms: Body pain, chronic exhaustion, depression, anxiety, headaches, memory problems, throwing up, nausea, IBS, bladder/kidney problems, hydration issues and several more…

Endo Symptoms: Severe stomach cramps, exhaustion, rib pain, back/hip paralyzing pain, insomnia, peeing every 10 mins. 

Insomnia: 21 days of on and off sleep. Most of my sleep happens mid-day now…

Adrenal Burnout: Body not functioning, over thirsty, loss of appetite, low blood pressure, dizzy, blacking out, not feeling satisfied when I do sleep, unable to do anything.