As many of you noticed. These past few weeks have been extremely tough.

For those who don’t know, or have missed the past few posts. I have completely relapsed with the binge eating disorder.

I spent days/weeks trying to play it off saying everything was okay. When clearly it wasn’t.

I tried to go to Florida (I was there for 9 days) and tried to get my body to recover by itself. However that failed and by the end of the 9 days I was worse off when I started.

Mentally I just shut down. I spent 2 days crying on and off and did not really want to talk with anyone especially my family.

What was the trigger? No idea what the trigger was. I feel like it could have been adrenaline rushes or crashes that started the trigger and as they kept happening it got progressively worse.

Who do I trust in this process? Going into situations like this, it is hard to know who I will be able to trust VS who I won’t be able to trust. For sure my parents (I should hope) are going to be two of my biggest supporters in getting help.

As well, I have my three coaches (one of whom is my best friend) and they are all very understanding and lenient when I need to make adjustments to training/schedules/practice.

My other best friend will definitely be someone I can trust. However, besides that I am not sure yet who will and won’t be there. It will be a wait and see.

I have some medical specialists who fully trust my decisions and support me no matter what; my nutritionist/chiropractor and rhuemetologist are amongst the 3 trying to help me.

As well, there are a probably a couple of others who are out there.

One thing I do know, is those who stick by you during this time are the more likely ones who will be by your side for a VERY long time.

And for everyone who will stay by me during this, I will be very grateful.

One thing I have learned so far before rehab starts. I have learned that even if people say they are around you. You are pretty much alone. You may be able to trust more family than friends…or more friends than family. But in the end…those who are beside you are your family. Even if they are not by blood.

But when you get put into a commitment like this, it is time to not focus on the outside and instead focus on yourself.

Shut out every negative thing/person out there. This includes if it is your best friend, a family member etc. If they are negative before a journey like this starts there is a good chance that they will remain negative throughout and just expect you to fail. These are the ones who have nothing better to do in life and instead love to put others down.

One thing I am looking forward too.

This eating disorder has been ten years in the making. And at some extent I had no idea I really had one until years after it started.

Once I was aware I was able to look back and realize where the patterns started from.

I had tried to get help in the past but nothing was fully working. The things that did work would work sometimes several days, weeks and months at a time but I would always fall and relapse.

Now I am looking forward to overcoming everything and proving a lot of those who don’t think I can do it, wrong.

However, one thing I must remember is I am doing this for ME and for ME only. Nobody else.

Why I am opening up on my relapse. 

When I opened this site I said I would be honest about all the journeys. This is just another one I am adding to the list. I know judgement is to come but, who cares I keep remembering there are others out there who are probably in the same situation. And if this can help them so be it.